


Shin-kyo

by chaosLydia



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Collaboration, M/M, Please check out Jun's AMAZING artwork at the bottom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:21:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23955265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaosLydia/pseuds/chaosLydia
Summary: Zeb and Kallus are stationed together on Hoth. Zeb wonders about the state of their relationship
Relationships: Alexsandr Kallus/Garazeb "Zeb" Orrelios
Comments: 13
Kudos: 112
Collections: Kalluzeb appreciation week 2020.





	Shin-kyo

**Author's Note:**

> Done in collaboration with @Junchan_ nyan on Twitter so please check out her artwork at the bottom! Created together for Kalluzeb Appreciation Week.
> 
> I know I'm posting early but it's going to be a busy week for me. Here's the prompt:  
> Monday, May 4, 2020: First Time—hurt/comfort
> 
> I did both the first time and hurt/comfort

“It’s freezing!” Zeb gritted his teeth to keep them from chattering. He felt bigger than normal in his winter jacket. He tugged the hood up over his head, “At this rate, my ears are gonna fall off!”

Kallus, also bulkier than normal in his puffy coat, looked up from the communication monitor. He rubbed his gloved hands together, “You’re cold? You have fur!”

“Doesn’t help as much as you think!”

They were stationed in a makeshift lookout post on Hoth. Actually, the words “makeshift lookout post” was a huge stretch. The Rebels had taken a large cargo container, cut out a few rectangles for windows, and buried it into a snow drift. Inside were two cots, the basic technology to make a lookout post, and supplies. The rest of the container was crammed full of as many portable heaters they could fit in there. The heaters barely spat out enough heat to warm up a can of beans. 

Night was falling again which meant the temperature was going to drop. A snow storm was coming in too. Once it arrived, all of their sensors would be useless. All they could do was wait it out until morning.

Zeb grabbed two of the heaters and placed them by the cots. He paused a moment and looked at the beds. It would be far warmer if he and Kallus pushed the cots together and shared their body heat. And they were dating now, so it was normal for couples to share a bed.

...Right?

If he was being honest with himself, he wasn’t sure what his relationship with Kallus was at the moment. They’d only been dating a few weeks. With the ongoing war, this was the first time the two of them had time alone.

It’s not like Zeb was ever good with this romance stuff anyway. He’d never had time for it when he was in the Lasan Honor Guard. The thought never crossed his mind when they were fighting on Lothal. No one in the Rebellion ever caught his fancy.

It was only Kallus that he caught himself thinking about. Once Zeb found out the agent had turned into Fulcrum, that’s when everything had changed. Zeb would spend long nights in his bunk on the _Ghost_ wondering if Kallus was safe in the Empire, hoping he wasn’t dead. He was relieved every time they received a Fulcrum message from him. Then, the anxiety would flood back in until the next message came. Once on Yavin together, their reunion was…

The reunion wasn’t like anything people make HoloNet movies about. Kallus had been all business, because of course he would be like that. But Zeb could tell there was something much deeper and sadder in him. There was an apprehension to Kallus now that he was with the Rebellion. Zeb had seen that look in other Imperials that had defected too. 

It was guilt. It was regret. It was the need to make up for their past mistakes.

And it’s not like either Zeb or Kallus had asked each other out. On base, they had spent all of their little bit of free time together. One day, Ezra jokingly squawked out, “Ooo! You two dating now?”

Kallus had turned to Zeb, shrugged, and said quietly, “It’s up to you.”

The way Kallus had said it was so… natural. It was like several pieces in Zeb’s mind came together in that one moment. Like they were supposed to fit together.

Zeb had then turned to Ezra and roared back, “Yeah! We’re dating! What of it, kid!?”

That had shut Ezra up.

But now weeks later, things really hadn’t changed much between them. Both were still working and fighting every single day. They continued to share their breaks and meals together, but it was the same conversations. The one time Zeb had tried to make a move by holding Kallus’ hand, Kallus had pulled away.

Zeb hadn’t tried again since then. 

Karabast! Zeb was starting to sound like Ezra with all of this romance junk! He wasn’t going to become some hormone driven teenager! He was a man of action! A soldier! Once a Captain of the Lasan Honor Guard! 

With that thought, Zeb pushed the two cots together.

“Good idea. The temperature is dropping fast. That will help us keep warm,” Kallus slid shut the window before moving to the communication transmitter. “All of our signals are going down from the storm. I’m diverting all power to the heat.”

“Sounds good,” Zeb placed two more heaters next to the beds.

Kallus raised an eyebrow, “That’s a clear fire hazard.”

“At least we’ll die warm,” Zeb joked back. 

Rolling his eyes, Kallus finished flipping a few switches. A whirring sound hummed from the transmitter as the power drained from it. The energy shifted, and the heaters lit up a little brighter. 

“Dinner?” Kallus opened his pack and pulled out a few ration bars. “Your choices are the chalk tasting one or the dirt flavor one.”

Zeb smirked, “Doesn’t matter to me.”

They sat on the cots to keep off the cold metal floor. Each of them munching on their terrible tasting food in silence. Now that they were this close together, Zeb could see Kallus shivering beside him. The cold wasn’t as bad to Zeb, but he did have a body full of fur. Maybe he should… offer to keep Kallus warm?

Zeb glanced over to his partner. He absolutely preferred Kallus now compared to his old Imperial days. Kallus’ hair was free and not slicked back in that awful smelling gel. Though, Zeb did miss Kallus’ old beard. This one was fine. It was a more grown out version of what Kallus used to wear. The old one was fancier. Zeb had liked it fancy. Maybe it was because he, Ezra, and Sabine had spent hours making fun of it, calling him ‘Agent Mutton Chops.’ Those had been good times…

Suddenly, Kallus’ honey hued eyes shifted to him, “What? You’re staring at me.”

Zeb cleared his throat, “Sorry! You… uh… You look cold. And I have fur!”

“Yes?” Kallus cocked his head. “You having fur is an already established point.”

A bit of heat rose up Zeb’s neck and slowly seeped into his cheeks, “Well… Yeah! I have lots of it and you don’t!”

“Zeb,” Kallus faced him. “Subtleties are not your strong suit. Just say what you wish to say.”

“Fine!” Zeb roared back. “I want to hold you and keep you warm!”

Nearly dropping his food, Kallus stared back at him. His eyes were wide in shock, searching Zeb’s face. Slowly, his lips began to tremble. And Zeb didn’t think it was from the cold.

Zeb really liked those lips. He thought about them a lot the last few weeks. Wondered what they would taste like. Imagined how warm they would be.

Careful of his claws, Zeb reached out and grasped the back of Kallus’ neck. 

A small gasp escaped the human, knocking him out of his shock. Kallus swallowed hard, “Garazeb?”

“Alex…” Zeb whispered, his breath white in the cold. Licking his own lips, Zeb leaned in as he pulled Alex closer.

“No!” Kallus slapped his hand over Zeb’s mouth, shoving the Lasat. 

Losing his balance, Zeb toppled backwards and landed on the floor.

“Zeb!” Kallus scrambled to the side and met eyes with an annoyed looking Lasat.

“What the hell!” Zeb snapped his head up. But when he saw how scared Kallus looked gazing back at him, all the anger drained away. “Alex… Sorry! I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have-”

“It’s not you,” Kallus sat back on his heels. He covered his mouth and closed his eyes.

Zeb rambled on, “I mean I know we’re supposedly dating. But are we dating? I don’t know! Nothing feels different! Karabast! I can’t even get a first kiss right!”

“Zeb! It’s not you!” Kallus shook his head.

Zeb motioned between them, “What is happening with us? Do you even like me!?”

Kallus’ eyes snapped open, “What? Of course I do! I wouldn’t have accepted your courtship if I didn’t!”

“Then what is this?” Zeb sprang up to his feet and glared down at the other man. “Look, I get it. I’m moving fast! I shouldn’t have tried to kiss you like that!”

Kallus’ voice raised, “I said it’s not you!”

“Then what is it!”

“THE CHILDREN!” Kallus screamed back at him. 

What? Zeb’s ears perked up at that. 

All the energy drained out of Kallus’ face. Fear replaced it. Kallus sat on the cot again and leaned against the metal wall. Hunched over on his knees, he covered his eyes with his hand as his body shook.

Kneeling beside the bed, Zeb said, “What children? There’s no kids here.”

Kallus got very still. His voice was barely louder than the storm outside, “The children of Lasan… Sometimes when I look at you… I can see the eyes of those Lasat children… I… I can hear their screams.”

Zeb’s ears flatten back at those words.

Kallus’ hand slid from his eyes and covered his mouth. He shook his head, “I wonder every single day why you want to be around me. I dare ask if you even forgive me for what happened. I don’t even know if I want the answer, because it doesn’t matter. It’s something I will never forgive myself for.” Finally, he looked up with deep sorrow at the Lasat, “I do like you, Zeb. More than just friends. I wish to court you as well. But I…” His words trailed off again as he hung his head. 

Did… he forgive Kallus? Zeb felt like he did. When they were stranded on Geonosis’ moon, he had told Kallus that what happened on Lasan was in the past for him. He had moved on, because he had a reason to do it. But clearly Lasan still haunted Kallus. 

Kanan had always talked about how powerful hope was to a person. He had learned it from Hera. They both made sure the _Ghost_ crew knew it too. Even now with Kanan gone, Hera still firmly believed in the power hope could have for a person.

Zeb could see that Kallus didn’t have that. He still saw himself as the destroyer of the Lasat, not a rebel fighter working to stop a great evil. Kallus was still stuck in his past mistakes.

“I need to tell you something. Move over,” Zeb nudged Kallus gently and sat beside him against the wall too. Taking a deep breath, he started, “Remember when you were chasing us and we made a hyperspace jump into a star cluster? We had three other members of my people on board.”

“Yes,” Kallus was unsure where he was going with this. “I thought for sure you all had died. Imagine my shock when I heard you were back to your rebel ways a few weeks later.” He smirked, “I was preparing to go back to Coruscant for my next assignment. I should have known you lot had a trick up your sleeve.”

“What I’m about to tell you is a secret. Very few people know about it.” Zeb held out his hand, “Can I trust you?”

Without a moment of hesitation, Kallus took his hand and squeezed it. The old Kallus would have been scheming or looking for an angle to win a battle. This Kallus, however, was vulnerable but honest. The honorable man that Zeb felt himself fall for more and more every day.

Kallus laced their fingers together, “You can trust me.”

Zeb liked how it felt holding his hand. He took a deep breath, “On the other side of that star cluster, there’s a planet called Lira San. It’s the original homeworld of the Lasats. We found it, and there’s millions of my people there.” He looked to Kallus, “That’s why when we were on the ice moon together, I said what happened on Lasan was behind me. Because I knew I had a future with my people.”

Kallus’ breath shuddered as his shoulders sank. His entire body and persona shifted. It was like the weight of the galaxy was lifted off of him. He flopped his head back against the wall. Lifting his eyes up to the ceiling, Kallus relaxed for what seemed to Zeb the first time he joined the Rebellion.

They didn’t speak for several minutes. Kallus appeared deep in thought, like his entire paradigm was actively shifting. Zeb let him have the time. 

Finally, Kallus slumped over and his head flopped onto Zeb’s shoulder. He squeezed the Lasat’s hand tight as he buried his cheek into the fabric of Zeb’s coat.

Smirking, Zeb leaned his head on top of Kallus’ and nuzzled it, “When all of this is over, I’ll take you there.”

“I’d like that,” Kallus choked out. 

Another several minutes passed in silence. Kallus held Zeb’s hand so tight as his shuddering breath slowly calmed. Zeb enjoyed the heat of Kallus’ body pressed against his side. He could smell Kallus’ scent, still clean and groomed. It was his natural smell and not that overwhelming hair gel from before.

Nuzzling his partner’s head, Zeb relaxed and closed his eyes. This felt right. This felt complete. Kallus wasn’t another piece of Zeb to complete him. He was a different puzzle that complimented him. Sure, it was clear things would move slow. But Zeb could tell it would be worth any wait they had to endure.

“Zeb?” Kallus perked up and turned to him. “What was that?”

“What was what?” the Lasat’s ears perked up. Did Kallus hear a noise outside?

“That sound you just made. Your body was vibrating and this low sound was coming from your throat.”

Heat flooded into Zeb’s face. Embarrassing dread filled him. “It was nothing!”

A little grin tweaked the corners of Kallus’ lips, “Were you…? Do Lasats purr? Was that a purr?”

“I was clearing my throat!”

“You were purring!”

“I was not!”

Kallus chuckled, “You sounded like a little Loth-Cat!”

“I do not!” Zeb ripped his hand back. “You don’t get to call me some mangy Loth-Cat!”

Kallus held up his hands in defense, “Did I say it was a bad thing?”

Zeb paused and tilted his head at the question.

Chuckling, Kallus leaned back and laid against Zeb’s shoulder, “That was the first time I heard you make that sound. I thought it was quite nice.”

Well, now Kallus knew. But he’d find out eventually the longer they were together. Zeb guessed it was okay if he found out in the privacy of some bunker on Hoth where no one else could hear a purr. Ezra learned a long time ago from them sharing a room. Ezra also found out very quickly not to tease a Lasat about their purrs.

Though as Kallus settled against him and Zeb wrapped his arm around his partner, the Lasat figured that a little teasing from Kallus wouldn’t be a bad thing. They snuggled together to keep warm against the raging storm outside. 

After a few moments, Kallus quietly asked, “Can you tell me about Lira San?”

“Yeah,” Zeb laid his cheek on Kallus’ head. “It was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. The skies are so blue that they’re almost purple.” He paused. Turning his head, he smiled to Kallus, “And you can hear children laughing everywhere…”

**Author's Note:**

> The title Shin-kyo is from Jun. She said it's Japanese for "peace of mind" which was a perfect title


End file.
